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Fic - Wherever I May Find Her (1/8)

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I'm on hiatus. HIATUS, I TELL YOU


Summary: Three years after Nergal's defeat, Marquess Caelin falls genuinely ill, instigating a new set of political complications.
Characters: Lyndis, Kent, Hausen, Sain...
Rating: T



Wherever I May Find Her

Prologue: Look to the Stars



The night before her grandfather died, Lyn dreamed, once again, of the plains.

That first year in Caelin, she had dreamed so often that many mornings she woke expecting to smell rabbit meat stewing in the crisp air, hear the gentle murmur of her parents moving about the ger. Her fingers would reach for the thick, soft furs which they had all three of them huddled under for warmth in the long winter months, only to find white quilted blankets in place of furs, and wood and stone closing in all around her in the silent hours before dawn.

She had not cried. Those were happy memories, and happy memories should not, must not be stained by tears. Nor did she think the lady of the castle was supposed to weep for reasons no one else could understand, especially in front of the staring, ogling servants who passed in and out of her chambers each day. That much, at least, she knew. A warrior's grief, too, was confined to the circles of his clan, among the brothers who had lived and fought and died alongside him.

In the end, the dreams had faded, along with her memories. It was not that she wanted to forget, but she did. New memories replaced them, new words and new faces.

Perhaps it made it easier for her, to remember only that she was the granddaughter of Marquess Caelin, and not a child of the plains.

~*~


Long grasses tossing in the wind. The rich, earthy smell of loam filled her nostrils. She threw back her head and found that her hair was unbound, whipping back like a horse's mane. She laughed and ran forward, unthinking. There was someone she must meet, the wind told her. Someone she must find.

But the plains stretched on and on without end, and no matter how hard she ran, the sun stayed in the same position overhead. Tears of frustration welled in her eyes. She wiped them away fiercely with the back of her hand, and continued to run.

The sun set, and darkness spread across the land. She could not see any familiar landmarks. Where was east, where was west? Where was south, where was north? Fear struck her then, a childish terror she had not experienced since she had been three, and had wandered away from the safety of the ger, away from the encampment where her tribe had settled for the long winter. Like a little lamb wandered away from its herd.

"Ada?" she whispered into the sudden, eerie stillness. She crouched down, hugging her knees, hungry and weary and cold.

There was no answer.

"Ada?" she called out again, voice trembling. And yet still there was nothing, not even the sound of a howling pack in the distance.

The fear overcame her. She broke into heaving, soundless sobs, though no tears flowed down her face. Her chest felt strangely heavy.

She remembered, vaguely, the old tale of the great she-wolf laying herself down to die.

Only then, in the darkness, did she see the flicker of movement in the distance. She quieted down and waited, uncertain if she were hunter or hunted.

As the figure neared, she realized suddenly that it was human. And yet not human, for she could see no face in the darkness. Even then she knew already who it must be, and why he had come.

"Ada, oh Ada. Is it really you? I --" She could speak no further. Her father's strong arms encircled her in an embrace.

"My daughter, my Lyndis, my little filly. Why have you come to this place?"

"I am lost, Ada," she whispered, and clutched at him desperately, fearing that he would fade into shadow and mist once more. "I am lost, and cannot find the way."

"Shh, shh," he murmured, clucking at her in the way he had always used to soothe his horse, or to comfort her when she was upset. "There always comes a time when one loses their way."

"But what should I do?" she cried. "Everywhere I turn lies a trap or a false turn. Ada, I -- I'm so scared."

"Do not fear, my child. Father Sky and Mother Earth are with you, always. The spirits of the land are at your side. Listen for them, and they shall come."

"But I miss you," she said, quiet and quivering. "You, and Ama, and..."

"I know. I know. I have missed you too, my little filly... But the paths of Sky and Earth are filled with meetings and departures alike. And now we have come, once more, to the parting of the ways."

"Don't go," she choked. "Don't leave me."

He looked at her sadly. Sadly, she knew, though she could not see his face.

"Everyone must leave, sooner or later, Lyn." Already his voice was drifting away. "Have you forgotten? Look to the stars..."

The stars. In her fear and sorrow she had forgotten. She tilted her head to the night sky, gazing at that dark expanse embedded with glittering lights. Black. The color of charred grass. But the stars oriented her, sang to her her place in the universe. Front to the south, back to the north; left to the east, right to the west. And she at the center of the world.

The stars blurred into a mass of light. She collapsed onto the grass, and imagined that she was a wolf, howling her grief to the sky.

~*~


When the servants came to wake her with news of Lord Hausen's passing, her face was already stained with tears, though she could no longer remember why.




NEXT
First posted at ff.net on 11/05/09
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On November 5th, 2009 07:27 pm (UTC), hooves commented:
Cross-posting here.

Dedicated to me? And Qieru? You're too kind! [Dramatic posing, and et cetera here.]

(Hiatus is overrated. The reason is because that is exactly when ideas hit. I personally believe this happens because you feel you're not allowed to write, so the ideas form a rally and basically do a march with signs and everything. (I think I just pictured that.)

I can't wait for your notes on Wariskind. But for now, I'll review here and crosspost it to LJ.

These songs, you must link me sometime. Or something. I like the title for this chapter/prologue.

[She had not cried. Those were happy memories, and happy memories should not, must not be stained by tears.] This whole paragraph was very powerful, but these sentences, especially so. (Note: NaNoWriMo makes me use more words than necessary to say something, so ignore my wordiness. It's a habit, now.) I also like the little bit about the servants coming and going all day. While I think it would bother Lyn to have to live like that, it is the way of "civilized" places, and even she would understand that she'd have to get used to it, or risk Caelin's (and by extension, her grandfather's) reputation.

[In the end, the dreams had faded, along with her memories. It was not that she wanted to forget, but she did. New memories replaced them, new words and new faces.] This is especially interesting. Did she really forget, or has she only pushed the memories to the back of her mind? Either way, this is a nice touch.

["My daughter, my Lyndis, my little filly. Why have you come to this place?"] B'aw. I almost burst into tears. Seriously. I love this. Especially him calling her a filly. It's SO SWEET. (This makes me such a dork, but that was always one of my favorite little nicknames for a young woman.)

[But the stars oriented her, sang to her her place in the universe. Front to the south, back to the north; left to the east, right to the west. And she at the center of the world.] This is beautiful.

The last couple of lines were good, too, especially the last one. Poor Lyndis, so confused and lost and tired. Yes, I think she seems weary.

I would say more, but this is short, and I don't have much else to say. I am looking forward to reading more, of course, and will stand outside of your journal with picket signs until you update.
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On November 5th, 2009 10:50 pm (UTC), shimizu_hitomi replied:
^____^

That's why I hate going on hiatus. With my head cleared of all my other usual distractions, I start getting IDEAS. (Love that imagery there, LOL. XD)

For Emily, Wherever I May Find Her. It's my favorite love song everrrrrr.

I'm not sure you'll like The Back Horn -- they're non-mainstream Jrock? The songs I did take inspiration from are mostly their softer songs though. The prologue title isn't actually based as strongly on any particular song, though if I really had to pick, I think it's a tossup between these two:

Sora, Hoshi, Umi no Yoru (A night of sky, stars, and sea) -- I was originally going to use this for another chapter, but changed my mind
Koe (Voice) (lyrics) -- I'm still thinking about recycling this one for use later on

Did she really forget, or has she only pushed the memories to the back of her mind?

Yeah, she's just suppressing the memories. Between the Nergal business and all her duties after she gets back home she just hasn't had much time, I think. She had some time to grieve with Hector on the ship, which was a start, but I'm not sure she's fully come to terms with her loss quite yet... So it's easier for her to just put that all aside and keep pushing forward.

The next update may come fairly soon actually. It's the one after that I'm worried about. XD
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